NOT A HAPPY CAMPER

Let me start with this ... I am very upset (said in nice words)!!! If you don't think you will like what I have to write DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!

I found out yesterday that without a doubt I have spent the last 6 years and then some being lied to on a daily basis. You all know that I have been separated for nearly 3 months. I thought there was still a good chance it would work out eventually. Randy and I have been talking the last couple of weeks and more then once I told him he could think about coming home. This didn't have to be permanent. We even went to dinner on Friday after Ciara's recital. It was great, he was friendly & fun, I was enjoying the conversation so much that it hurt to have him leave. I told him he needed to come home it would be so much better then him living out of the suburban and he is on a waiting list several months long to move into a barrack on base where he started working. It's not even permanent housing, he can only stay there on the days he works. Yesterday we were talking again and I asked him if he'd thought about it and he said yes but wasn't sure .... then he decided to give a girl a call that he thinks he has been in love with for more than 15 years. He wanted her to tell him the truth as to whether or not she loved him. Now mind you they never dated, and supposedly nothing has ever gone on between them except for what he was wishing for. Well needless to say she told him that she did not love him, never had! This is what his reservations about coming home were all about ... what if he had a chance with somebody better. Somebody that left her family over a year ago and has never sought him out. THIS is what my whole marriage, last 6 years, comes to an end for!!! NOTHING ... a BIG FAT NOTHING. I told you I was upset & hurt beyond anything I thought possible. It makes me so mad that Satan can so easily put thoughts into people's minds, get them to do stupid things, and tear families apart. What are his consequences? According to Randy that now he has a broken heart & I should understand how he feels. That's it! He gets a free place to stay at his grandparents with no responsibilities, nobody that questions his motives, or ask him what is going on. He's been partying over the past 3 months and living so carefree and his worst consequence is that his heart is broken!!! I know there are more but right now he doesn't even recognize that. He doesn't even feel bad that this is happening. In fact he told me that today he is just out enjoying the sunshine and that it is so nice! Normally I can be pretty rational but right now I am having a very hard time doing that. I just feel a lot of anger & betrayal. I just don't understand ....