MEMORIAL WEEKEND

Ciara finally got her hard cast on this past Monday. She didn't mind getting it on but the first couple of days was a little irritating to her because she couldn't take it off like we could the other one. Of course she had to have pink!!! It's her favorite color but orange has been creeping in as a favorite the last couple of weeks. Last night she told me that she had to sleep in my bed because she couldn't sleep in hers since it is not orange or pink. It does have orange & pink on it but apparently she thinks it should be all over pink or orange. Lucky for her the back side of the comforter IS solid pink so I turned it over for her. Now she calls her bedroom the "pink room".

She has gathered more signatures for her cast, but this was the first one!

The kids had a pretty boring weekend since I have worked the whole thing. But we managed to make a quick trip to the cemetery on Sunday. And of course it was windy, cold, and soggy!!!
Yet still beautiful :)

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER

Let me start with this ... I am very upset (said in nice words)!!! If you don't think you will like what I have to write DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!

I found out yesterday that without a doubt I have spent the last 6 years and then some being lied to on a daily basis. You all know that I have been separated for nearly 3 months. I thought there was still a good chance it would work out eventually. Randy and I have been talking the last couple of weeks and more then once I told him he could think about coming home. This didn't have to be permanent. We even went to dinner on Friday after Ciara's recital. It was great, he was friendly & fun, I was enjoying the conversation so much that it hurt to have him leave. I told him he needed to come home it would be so much better then him living out of the suburban and he is on a waiting list several months long to move into a barrack on base where he started working. It's not even permanent housing, he can only stay there on the days he works. Yesterday we were talking again and I asked him if he'd thought about it and he said yes but wasn't sure .... then he decided to give a girl a call that he thinks he has been in love with for more than 15 years. He wanted her to tell him the truth as to whether or not she loved him. Now mind you they never dated, and supposedly nothing has ever gone on between them except for what he was wishing for. Well needless to say she told him that she did not love him, never had! This is what his reservations about coming home were all about ... what if he had a chance with somebody better. Somebody that left her family over a year ago and has never sought him out. THIS is what my whole marriage, last 6 years, comes to an end for!!! NOTHING ... a BIG FAT NOTHING. I told you I was upset & hurt beyond anything I thought possible. It makes me so mad that Satan can so easily put thoughts into people's minds, get them to do stupid things, and tear families apart. What are his consequences? According to Randy that now he has a broken heart & I should understand how he feels. That's it! He gets a free place to stay at his grandparents with no responsibilities, nobody that questions his motives, or ask him what is going on. He's been partying over the past 3 months and living so carefree and his worst consequence is that his heart is broken!!! I know there are more but right now he doesn't even recognize that. He doesn't even feel bad that this is happening. In fact he told me that today he is just out enjoying the sunshine and that it is so nice! Normally I can be pretty rational but right now I am having a very hard time doing that. I just feel a lot of anger & betrayal. I just don't understand ....

SPRING RECITAL

Ciara has been taking a creative movement class just through the recreation department this year and they decided to have a Spring Showcase last Friday. It was really cute ... her teacher told a story while they acted it out about little baby dinosaurs; starting from the eggs. I haven't included all the pics because I took quite a few!

First they had to wiggle around in their eggs & break out of them. Then they had to stand & stretch.

And then they started to move around in different kinds of shapes.

You can see that she isn't the only one with a broken arm.

Then when they were tired after playing & moving all day they laid down to go to sleep.

Ciara's Dad came to watch!

Ky didn't make it because she was not home yet from her end of the year stuff with school. But Dal & I enjoyed the show quite a bit.

Only minutes before the show she came up to me and said that she didn't want to do the performance because of her broken arm. But then she remembered she wasn't the only one and happily went and danced!

CIARA'S WEEKEND

Ciara is keeping me on my toes lately ... well maybe a little more than normal! Last Friday she wanted to help me while I was doing yard work and so I let her help cut weeds that were growing through the fence. She was doing a really good job too, she was bringing me weeds that she had cut and I thought she was doing great! Then a few minutes later she comes to me and tells me to look at her beautiful hair! I had been thinking about cutting her hair because it is so fine and tangles so easily, but never, ever, ever would I have had it cut into a mullett! haha I was very calm and told her that we would now have to cut it short and her reply was, "I don't want to look like a boy." Oh my goodness! I just want to laugh every time I see this pic because this is almost a perfect 80's mullett sweety! :)

Needless to say I did give her a cut and did the best we could at blending it all in and now she has bangs to hide what was way too short to blend; and she is still pretty dang cute!!! Every day she does let me know that her hair is growing.

Then Sunday evening rolled around and she fell off the trampoline. Her arm was a little swollen and it hurt, but with an ice pack the swelling went down and tylenol seemed to help the pain. She could bend her arm and move it around as well as her hand and fingers. I thought that she would probably be okay, until later that night while we were trying to sleep. She would wake up every couple of hours and would say that her arm was hurting. I took her into the Dr. and he said that it could possibly be broken in her elbow since that is where the pain was located and that they are hard breaks to find, so we headed to radiology for x-rays. Sure enough she has a broken arm, just above her elbow joint, but so far we lucked out and I feel very blessed that she doesn't have to have surgery ... as long as she doesn't hurt it more, and so we are being very careful with it. They will put a hard cast on it next week and then she will spend the next 4-6 weeks casted up. Just in time for summer :(

She is quickly adapting to the changes and has learned how to use her one free hand and mouth to work together to take the cap off of her push pop so she can eat it. It's fun watching her try to figure things out, and it can be quite amazing. She hasn't let it stop her or slow her down. I am glad the weather is gloomy right now because I can easily keep her in the house and off of the tramp, swings, bike, and scooter!

We went to Ky's dance concert Friday night and once again I really enjoyed all of the talent those kids offer. The concert was a lot of fun. I wasn't paying attention to my settings for recording Ky's dance and I am pretty bumbed about it, but if you look really close, she starts out in the back and quickly comes to the front corner. And by looking really close ... I mean you probably better grab the magnifying glass! :)

Ky's Lindy Hop

HAPPY WEEKEND!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

I am very grateful to be a Mom, it is a huge blessing in my life! I am so thankful that I have been entrusted with 3 beautiful children here on earth and one very special angel. I am grateful for my own mom who taught me so much as a child how to do very basic things like cooking, cleaning, decorating, and so much more. I am also thankful that she taught us how to love and raised me in the gospel that now guides me in all I do, even as a mother. I have been very fortunate in my life to have been touched by many special women in my life and to have so many examples to look up to and learn from. The list is long but I'll keep it short and general .... my sister, sister-in-laws, mother-in-law, grandmothers, aunts, friends, leaders, co-workers, teachers, & more! I hope each of you have a wonderful Mothers Day!

We have had such wonderful weather this last week ... it was awesome! I received a great sunburn on Monday while mowing the back yard. We finally got to pull out Ciara's swimming pool and YES she was very excited and quickly learned that it was still a little cool for it. But she went ahead and played in it anyways several days this week. Dallin was sure that it was warm enough to sleep on the trampoline this weekend, but we were still getting frost almost every night so I told him he could sleep on the couch instead. This then prompted a sleepover for all of the kids as they decided they all wanted to do that! Ciara was so excited, only she had a hard time deciding if she wanted to sleep on the couch or the floor. She did eventually end up on the couch and then about 4:30 AM she came and climbed in my bed.

On Saturday Ky's track team had a fundraiser at the school with a little carnival and a movie. Ciara had more fun then anybody. She loved the little games and got pretty good at throwing darts at balloons. She won several prizes doing it, including these obnoxious lips. She also was able to throw a ball at some stacked cans and knock them down, ate tons of treats, ignored her dinner, decorated a cookie, got a flower on her face, and enjoyed watching the movie.

Brianna & Ky having TOO much fun!!! haha

C's flower and new headband!!!

Thanks Abby for the flower! :)

Ky getting her hair colored!

I also got started on planting my garden yesterday! So far I have the tomatoes, peppers, green onions, raddishes, lettuce, and spinach planted. I still have zucchini, pumpkin, watermelon, canteloupe, and cucumbers to go. Ciara and I also planted some flowers out in our little flower bed in the front yard Thursday and she loves to be able to water them!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG?!!

I only had 2 shifts at work this week but it was kind of a good thing because I had days off that had good weather so I was able to get LOTS of yard work done. I was so glad to be able to do it too! Ciara & Hiatt helped me sweep off the driveways early this week and the back patio. I was able to get all of the lawn edged, weeds sprayed, leaves vacuumed up from the rock areas, the garage all cleaned out. I took the car in to be inspected and had to spend $30 on TWO light bulbs ... really? I didn't even know they were out and that is a ridiculous price. Oh well now they're fixed.

For our YM/YW activity this week we went to the Carl Bloch exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art. That was fun, the kids rushed right through it so I didn't get to see as much as I wanted, but the paintings are beautiful. It's only there for another week or so, it would be nice to try and go back without kids. They also have a display of a huge stack of books ... 80,000 lbs worth of books; very cool!!!! I can't imagine how much patience it would take to stack them in such a way that it will not fall, but it is cool to look at.

Ciara has spent time with her dad and it's been good for her but also very hard. She is so emotional for about 4 or 5 days afterwards and everything feels normal just in time for her to see him again. She misses her daddy so much and the things she will say blow me away. Kids are resilient but they are also a lot more perceptive than I think we give them credit for. She is doing much better most of the time but she still has hard time when even I leave and thinks that I am not coming back ... even if I just walk into a different room from her. She is growing like crazy and I am grateful for warmer days so she can burn more of her energy outside! It's funny though if it is cooler outside she will ask me to get her pool out because that means it "will be warmer". So the other night when it was chilly she went swimming in my bath tub instead!

Ky had a track meet today down in Richfield and we're not sure exactly how she did yet, but she said it snowed most of the time. Not sticking to the ground but they had to stay outside and the race went on while it snowed, needless to say she didn't care for it too much. She has a dance concert coming up, her AP History test on Friday, camp certification and a carnival fundraiser for track. If anybody would like some cheap entertainment let us know, she is selling tix to it. They will also have a raffle for and Ipod or something with an "I" in front of it! They will have dinner and will be showing Tangled. It could be loads of fun!!! We will most likely be there :)

Dallin is glad the school year is finally winding down. He is very excited for his scout camp in June, when they will spend six days canoeing 68 miles of the Green River. Ugh .... mom is not so excited. I'm sure it will be a good experience and they are getting ready for a camp out at Vernon reservoir to practice their canoeing skills. Dal stayed home with Ciara today while Ky was at her match & I was at work and he did a fabulous job! I checked on him several times because he has not ever babysat for more than an hour or so, but each time both he and Ciara were fine and having fun! Maybe he is starting to mature just a little bit more.

I am sending out a call to my friends on here that I am looking for a different job if anybody is aware of anything. I love my job and really don't want to leave it but it is not providing near enough hours. We would like to stay where we are but if we have to move elsewhere we will ... well I might have some exclusions of where I'm willing to live. I'm not a fan of cold!!! After the phone call I received last week sometimes getting out of this town sounds better & better. Sometimes I really don't understand ... I just want to laugh!!! Small towns are the BEST!

HAPPY EASTER

Ciara's Easter Dress!

I got this made last night after dinner! I picked up the fabric and everything a couple weeks ago and just have not had the time. So I was scrambling last night to get it done and it is so cute ... and big enough she can wear for awhile!!!

We have enjoyed our Easter today. We went to church and of all things the talks were on MARRIAGE! Last week the same thing at Stake Conference too. If only ......

Here was a neat quote from President Monson's talk at the Priesthood session.

"Choose your love; love your choice."

This could be applied in life in many ways I suppose. It is a great reminder to me to always be grateful for what I do have.

I am grateful for Easter and for our Savior. The atonement has meant so much to me in my life and it always will. I am grateful for the sacrifice he was willing to make on my behalf, my children, and my family. I hope to one day have every part of my life be a reflection of gratitude for all the wonderful things Jesus has done for me!

BORROWED FROM MY FRIEND

"The greatest tragedy in life is not dying, it's what dies inside of us while we are trying to live."

J.O.

THE END

Today was our final day of spring break. It's kind of sad, I will really miss having the kids around. I did work several days during the break, but the kids were able to still have some fun. We of course started it in Colorado. Then we came home to cold, not so fun weather. It began to warm a little and so we did spend some time outside. I got a little yard work done in between rain storms. Dallin tried getting his bike fixed so he could ride it; he also had a scout camp out at Topaz mountain. He was very excited about all the topaz that he brought home, none of it was the $1000 pieces they were hoping for but he is pretty proud of his stash. Kylie was out with friends quite a bit, which included some late nights. I personally will not miss those. Ciara was Ciara ... and she was invited to her first birthday party! She got to go to our next door neighbors party yesterday and had lots of fun. The kids and I went and saw Rio; it was cute, not the best, but cute. The kids really enjoyed it though ... all of them. I forgot the camera for every single thing that we did so that explains the lack of photos! :)

This weekend was Stake Conference. Something that stood out for me was this simple quote. "To experience the fullness of joy, one must have trials and endure them righteously." It really has me thinking. I have always excepted my trials, not necessarily enjoyed them, but I know when they happen I need to endure and learn. This has me thinking of them differently though; perhaps I need to change my attitude as well, because I could really go for some "fullness of joy." This may take some practice because right now I just want to lock all of the doors and never come out. Thankfully I have a million reasons to not do that and I remember them every morning as soon as I wake up. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of us right now. I just also know that my attitude is making it very difficult to feel any joy or happiness at the present time. So maybe I will be posting this quote on a mirror or two to help remind me .... righteously which includes my attitude!!!

TRACK MEET & MORE

A couple weeks ago Kylie had a track meet at Delta High School. It ended up being a fairly nice day, windy ... but when is it NOT windy in Delta. Kylie did good in her races, she ran the 100 and the 400. She was suppose to run in the 200 but slept through it! It's probably her best race too, and I was looking forward to watching it, aargh!

Turns out that Ciara is Kylie's biggest fan & an awesome cheerleader!!!

After a beautiful spring day of temps in the 70's and we all got sunburned ...

Nothing says SPRING in Utah like a good snow fall!!!

Now it's Spring Break for the kids .... Wahoo!!!! We all wanted to get out of town, especially I wanted to be gone during my anniversary, so we took off to Colorado to spend the weekend at my sister's house. We had a great time :) The girls all got pedi's and Kris and I went to Madcap in Westminster one night. That was a fun show; it's like the Drew Cary show "Who's Line is it Anyway." We were laughing the whole show and they kept everything clean, it was really great! It was a lot of fun and Ciara couldn't make up her mind if she really wanted to come home or stay with Malia. Those two are could be a lot of trouble together if they had a lot of time together .... something I may be willing to find out. ;)

SAD DAYS

It has now been almost 6 weeks since Randy and I separated and it hasn't gotten any better. We did counseling twice and learned quite a bit there, but then he decided to give up. I'm so sad for Randy and the reasons for all of this are hurting us both so much. It doesn't look like things are going to work out as he wants to proceed with this being permanent. What does one do? It's not my choice in anyway. I have found out that he no longer loves me, since we lost our little Aspyn. So weird to think that we lost someone together and some how now it is tearing apart our little family. I don't know what to make of this or even know how to react. It's like the wound has been re-opened and still feels so fresh. It hurts a lot to be losing Randy. He has been such a great guy, and has so many good qualities about him.

I will work on a happier post soon! It might take me a little bit, but I will do it!

END OF HIATUS

Hopefully you haven't all given up hope on me. A couple of months ago our desktop quit working and had a mishap. We have a laptop but I was not able to get onto blogger for some reason. I couldn't look at any blogs nor could I look at mine or log on .... nada! Today I finally tried downloading some updates and woola ..... I can now get back on!!!!!

So instead of boring you all with lots of details of the past few months, I'll give you the short of the long.

JANUARY

Randy was laid off at the beginning of January. His job was temporary however while he covered for a guy who was serving with the guard in Afghanistan. He is now looking for another job. He made some good contacts while at this last job however with some possibilities.

We had some awesome :( snow storms that had us shoveling for hours at a time. I started going to Zumba classes with my friend Maquel and quickly became addicted and loving it even more then doing it at home. Ciara started dance and loves it. She has natural rhythm and is a lot of fun to watch. We don't get to watch them when they dance at class until later in the spring, but at home she has a dance for every song that comes on.

FEBRUARY

We had a couple baptisms we attended in February. One was for Randy's niece Hailee and the other was our friend's daughter, Aspyn. They happened on the same day which made it a little busy, but we were very grateful to be able to share that special day with some very special girls.

Randy and I both celebrated our birthdays during February. It's gotten to the point where we don't get very excited ... what's another year at this point anyway?! I did get to shovel a good amount of snow on my birthday which just helped me remember it really is just another day.

MARCH

Nothing to exciting to report for this one. I did get a new job working for a Pediatrician's office in Payson as a PRN receptionist. I really enjoy the people there and the work, so far it has been a lot of fun! However after my first day of work Randy & I separated. I was more appreciative of the job as it has kept me busy and hasn't allowed for too much time to think. I'm not going to bash on the situation at all, because I still have hope. Hope for something better to come of all this. I have said before that this is my therapy ... the blog. So here I am trying not to pour out all of my heart into this right now. It has been a very lonely couple of weeks and I miss Randy a lot. There has been several times that I have thought, "if only Randy were here." Ciara had a really hard time for about the first week. She would cry every time I would leave or even if I went into another room. She was afraid that I wasn't coming back. She even had me sleep with her. She has gotten better though and doesn't break down nearly as much. If only we could peak into the crystal ball once in awhile and see where the light will begin to shine.

I am grateful for my family & for our good friends who have been here for the kids & I and for all of the support we have received. It's always good to know that there are people who really care about others.

We are eager for Spring to get here and for spring break in just a few short weeks. We no longer have plans for it, but it will be nice to have a break. I'm sure we will try to get out and enjoy the sunshine ... so here's hoping that it shines!!!

Now that we are up & running be sure to come check us out and see what we are up to!!!! :)