Monday, April 28, 2008

Aspyn Jacqueline Our Little "A.J."

It has been six months since she was born and not a day goes by that I don't miss her! This is my next spotlight of my kids. This one is the hardest but just as important as the rest. (I haven't forgotten Ky, I am waiting for her photo shoot pics though to post!)

We found out that we were pregnant with Aspyn last March. That meant just a short 6 weeks after Ciara was born Aspyn was already on her way. She was due November 15th and Ciara's 1st b-day was to be on Dec. 27th. They were going to be less than a year apart. I was nervous and excited thinking about two babies that close. Everyone I talked to said they would be the best of friends! And I believe they still will be. I knew that something was different about her but had no idea that it was that she is a perfect angel who would not get to be with us here on earth. She was born when we were 38 weeks along. And at that time it was way too short. It is one of those times when I think being pregnant for longer than 40 weeks would not be too long just to have that extra time with her. I am so grateful for her though. Sometimes it is very difficult to know that she is gone; and I still have days where I think at anytime now I am going to wake up and she will be here. When mother's are asked what is your greatest fear I think it is alway something to do with our kids. We never want to think of losing our children, whether it be death, drugs, disabilities, or other adversities. It is hard to think of something happenning to our kids that we have no control over. I received comfort from the teachings of the prophet Joseph F. Smith when he said that he mourned the passing of 9 of his children and that he had never felt such sadness. But what a blessing it is when we will still get to raise these perfect children in perfect circumstances in the Celestial Kingdom. I can't think of a greater blessing in her passing. Although I can honestly say that this isn't the way I wanted my faith to be tested! Besides this however, my testimony has been strengthened in that I know that my Heavenly Father and Jesus our Saviour love me and all of us. He showed me this in the days and months that have followed through everybody who came to our side. My deepest gratitude go to our families who made every effort to be here with us and came with such speed and hearts feeled with love and compassion. Also our ward members who were here at our door almost immediately after we arrived home and have given words of comfort since that time. The staff at the Payson Hospital who shared tears with us, Amy Engle the SHARE voluneer who was a huge help in making sure we had pics and so many other momentos to remember her by; for Tammy & Liz and their thoughtfulness from so far away, and Dr. Nance who shared his compassion and concern with us.

My blog is named after Aspyn, as she has helps me to learn so much. I guess losing loved ones will do that to you. I know that there is nothing as important as the time you spend with your family. We all get those emails that talk about leaving the dishes and laundry for another day so you can spend time with your family. Ya know what, it's true. There are some things that are IMPORTANT, like having a clean home and then there are things that are NECESSARY, like loving and playing with your kids and enjoying our families as much as we can! Life is fragile and a short moment here on earth, and we will get to be together forever after this life, but we need to make sure that all of those whom we love will know that we love them, NOW!!! What better thing can you have in the next life than your family?! This blog has been very therapeutic for me, can you tell?!

I have a proposition for everyone who reads this blog. October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month; this also coincides with Aspyn's birthday. I think that it is important to never let her memory die and I know that it won't. I have heard of families that do service for others for the amount of days their baby was alive and similar ideas. Since Aspyn was born still, I think we should still serve others always but for the whole month of October starting on the first, that each and every day we serve with a purpose of remembering her and that she is also doing a special work on the other side of the veil. We will give at least one act a day of random service for another. It can be in our families, but if we look around and tune into those whisperings we get, we will know of others who will need us also. The Lord needs us to show his compassion and love to others. We are often the answers to somebody's prayer. I am going to add a countdown to the sidebar that will help us all remember when October comes that we need to do this special "service project." And remember "Let not thy left hand know what thine right hand is doing." But I would like to know how it has made you or others feel. And if anyone has any suggestions, please let us know!

To my little Aspyn: You are forever in our hearts. We eagerly await the day that we will all be together again! We love you!

Moroni 8:12, 17
"But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world."
"And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love, wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are alike and partakers of salvation."

4 Say Something:

KrisJ said...

Becki, what a beautiful post! I have been counting down and anticipating this date as Im sure you have to. I have always known what a strong person you were but throughout this last six months my eyes have been opened to what true faith and love really is. The Lord made you special as he did little Aspyn. Her soul was just to sweet and while it stinks that we werent all able to play and watch her grow, her short little 38 weeks has made me want to live a much better and more faithful life so that I can get that chance to play with her one day.
I love the idea of service every day of October and you can count me in. I think I will make some receiving blankets in honor of Aspyn and give them to a hospital or wherever I find they are needed. I love you so very much and I thank you for your strength and love that you have given. I am amazed how you have been the comforter rather than the one getting the comfort. Thanks for being my rock my family and my friend. I have been feeling so sorry for myself and this post sure put me in my place!
To little Aspyn, my darling I know you are watching over us, and your favorite Aunt Kris cant wait to come snuggle you!

Stacey Jensen said...

Becki: I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart aches for you and your family. I love the blog you dedicated to your little girl. What an amazing tribute. Isn't it amazing that someone so small can have such a large impact on our lives? I am proud to include Aspyn in our family and will remember her and honor her memory as well. I love your blog and knowing that truly there is a bit of Aspyn in all of our lives. We love you.

Kristina & Brady said...

I agree with Kris that you are such an amazing person. You are so strong, who always does what is right. You are such a great example to me. I miss seeing you. I love you. I too am so grateful that we have the opportunity to be with our loved ones after this life. What a wonderful idea to serve everyday in October to remember your sweet little angel. I will make a commitment and do this as well! Thank you for your beautiful words!

angemam said...

I am a friend of your sister Kris - she told me to read this post about Aspyn, as I lost my first little girl (who was stillborn) nearly 17 years ago. What a beautiful post & reminder. I miss my daughter terribly when I allow myself to stop & think about her & wonder what she would have been like here on earth. I, too, await the sweet reunion on the otherside & the promise to be her mom there & raise her. Thank you for sharing these feelings & thoughts. It has allowed me to shed some long, long overdue & much needed tears of healing. ~Angela Miller